how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
