Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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