i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
