the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
