I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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