Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
