I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
