FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
