I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
