my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
