Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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