i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
