so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
