I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
