i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
