So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
