Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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