some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize