i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
