you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
