Do you still have your period?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
