Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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