now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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