Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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