btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
