Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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