You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Where is the hickey?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize