someone owes me an orgasm
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
