who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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