Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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