You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
