hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
