On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
