i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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