so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
