apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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