Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
