if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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