I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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