no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
