took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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