OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
