Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just want to make out with him forever
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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