Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
