Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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