we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
