Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
