I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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