I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
