some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
