Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
