sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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