Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
