good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
