Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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