last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
