call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
