please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
