we have officially lost it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize