The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
