C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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