I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
