I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
