I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
