Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
