ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Randomize
